Patton Oswalt’s Star Wars Filibuster: Animated

I love the internet. In case you missed it a while back, here is the animated version of the viral video NBC leaked from Parks and Recreation a while back.


5 Star Wars Spinoffs we Do and Don’t Need

Unless you were living on an isolated planet harvesting blue milk, you should already know that the Star Wars property has been ascertained by Disney. Many expressed fear about how the kingdom run by half-dressed animals would handle one of, if not the most popular science fiction stories ever told. However, we must always remember that “fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.” Suffer, we might.
Until that time is known, there are a couple of good things that will come from Disney buying up the rights to the Force. Not only do we get a talented director helming the new film with a group of experienced science fiction writers, but we also will undoubtedly get spin-offs. Marvel’s formula for financial success (also owned by Disney) is too good not to pass up. With The Avengers-money in their minds, they will probably try to give a few characters their own story lines in order to bring the band back together.
With that in mind, let’s look at what we do, and don’t need to see on the big screen.
The Don’ts

5. A Palpatine Origin Story

palpatine origin
Despite what the extended universe would have you believe, Palpatine is dead. His death was the catalyst action in bringing back Anakin Skywalker back from the Dark Side and into his son’s good graces. It was the major act in a father’s redemption story, and should stay that way.
Palpatine had a specific purpose, and it was stretched almost to its breaking point in the prequels. We don’t need to see where he came from (although it is pretty interesting if you’re curious), just as we don’t need to see all the backstories from the other characters in Game of Thrones that aren’t pivotal to the plot.
Need an example of how an origin story can neuter a once terrifying villain? Look at Hannibal Lector. The origin film, Hannibal Rising, took the monster out of the man, and turned him into something sympathetic. It’s the inability to understand and empathize that makes a powerful villain, not the other way around. Continue reading

How Iron Man 3 misses the mark XLII ways…

So I saw Iron Man 3. What follows is a list of all the ways I think the movie (and entire team behind it) messed things up. Some of these are meta critiques on what the role of the movie ought to be and others are just points that didn’t seem logical. There will be spoilers. I won’t go into too much depth on anything since 42 line items is a lot but they will be mentioned. SPOILERS WILL BE MENTIONED. Ok, let’s continue.

I’m going to give you 42 reasons the movie “3”
does not live up to the hype.

Before I get into the list let me get this out of the way: People will love this movie. Lots and lots of people will find  this an enjoyable, action-packed, popcorn-munching, hyphenation-inducing movie. I even found myself enjoying the movie (random aside: if you have never used the D-Box motion effect seats and your theater offers them, it is worth trying out for this action film) but it is not a great comic book movie. In many ways, it is an awful comic book movie. How many ways? Well it misses the mark in 42 ways – both big and small – off the top of my head. Take a deep breath because we are going on a ride!

MK I: Starting a blockbuster franchise with the song “Blue”. Awkward, confused laughter is not what you’re  aiming for to start off Iron Man 3…unless it was.
MK II: Cheesy dramatic voice overs just aren’t necessary.
MK III: The flashback to 1999 goes on for way too long.
MK IV: There was a flashback to 1999 with mullet Happy. Beyond not making any sense it just isn’t funny and giving him things to do in 1999 clutters everything up.
MK V: Killian’s character in 1999 is ludicrous. By character I mean caricature and by ludicrous I mean ludicrous.
MK VI: Breaking down the team from Avengers is going to be tough. This threat is HUGE but Rhodey says “its terror” not something superheroes deal with…
MK VII: …then they blow up Tony’s entire pad and Air Force One but Captain America (to say nothing of the others) doesn’t show up? This just makes Captain America look like a dick. Continue reading

Stop contributing to how comic book owners “are”. If you aren’t sure how then read this post on how to stop doing that thing.

Guess what? If you guessed “This is going to be awesome!” then you can stop reading and go back to bed because your day is going downhill from here. How do you top “Guess what?” winner? Look, I told myself I was going to limit the asides but I didn’t promise I would win the fight against who I am. This is who I am!!! You know who else I am? A comic book shop owner…that has awesome customers. I also happen to be someone who genuinely enjoys talking to people about comics. Life is good but there are certain things that come up time and time again that make the average comic shop owners day less awesome. Since this upcoming weekend is Free Comic Book Day and MANY people will wander into their local comic shops for the first time looking for a free Walking Dead #1, what better time for a post about comic shop etiquette? I bet you can’t think of a better time. I win, you couldn’t! So…
Now is  the time! I’m going to post a whole bunch of things you think are harmless (or more likely don’t think one way or the other about). After each obnoxious thing, I’ll then tell you how to say/do that thing in a manner that doesn’t contribute to this stereotype:
The best way to recognize a comic book shop owner/employee
for their service is to forget this stereotype kthanksImeanit.

Continue reading